31 august 23

Fucking horrific - is the term
the sucking abyss that I huddled beside
my whole childhood
trying to reclaim me still
echoed in my own voice calling me to - what?
not death, not freedom but to mad despair
Relinquishment of all
I ever could become
on the altar of familial blind faith.
That nothing could ever mean anything if I were not
Puppetted, strung on the demands of demands of generations loudest voices.
But I am the weak, the failing, that can
lift from such a filthy hole some living limb & climb
away, out of reach, a strength invisible,
to challenge toxic might and poisoned care.
Of all possible heroes I am smallest
And yet, I crawl still further
Brighter, singing the names of them as I go

/ / on surviving abuse as an autist


Split face - eye gold staring
smoke smell, curling
Lord they watch, brother, listening
stone, waiting, cool grey
upon the brass upon the wood
Smile, it was said
a contract made
denied now, if I can, to turn away
lift hand a no - a space to hold
within, softening breath opens
in return 
those eyes watch - forget
that telling - deafen to
this need, noticed, known
bring to the eye
call out, truth mine

Complex sex

How can I be sex


Rose lips and cropped


Hair like otter fur

Moving invisible between

Strut and slink 

Hidden places soft beneath

Hard words

My nakedness is freedom

Without defining wrappings 

Unshelved and moving real

Intertwining complex


Outside demands that i

Am untethered to

Beyond tongue ties breathing

Unseen before you

// Eoten