31 august 23

Fucking horrific - is the term
the sucking abyss that I huddled beside
my whole childhood
trying to reclaim me still
echoed in my own voice calling me to - what?
not death, not freedom but to mad despair
Relinquishment of all
I ever could become
on the altar of familial blind faith.
That nothing could ever mean anything if I were not
Puppetted, strung on the demands of demands of generations loudest voices.
But I am the weak, the failing, that can
lift from such a filthy hole some living limb & climb
away, out of reach, a strength invisible,
to challenge toxic might and poisoned care.
Of all possible heroes I am smallest
And yet, I crawl still further
Brighter, singing the names of them as I go

/ / on surviving abuse as an autist

Song for the broken hearted

Love is never lost

Never erased

It lives in the cells that remember

Touch breath embrace

The light whisper 

the laughter

It lives on in the patterns of light that flash

Through our inner darkness

It formed the pathways

Birthed this future out of darkness

Love is never lost

It is captured in memory

And more that memory in form

It lives in our every transaction

In how we smile how we sing

It lives in the shape of our growth

Like the wind in the shape of a twisting branch

Like sunlight in the reaching trunk

Love is never in vain never

Futile never meaningless

It’s fact is solid

Solid as death

Love once given cannot be taken

From us it lives in our existence

Like dna coiling through the whole

Like starborn atoms indivisible from the past

And from our futures

Spreading weblike into everything we touch

Love is never lost