Fucking horrific - is the term
the sucking abyss that I huddled beside
my whole childhood
trying to reclaim me still
echoed in my own voice calling me to - what?
not death, not freedom but to mad despair
Relinquishment of all
I ever could become
on the altar of familial blind faith.
That nothing could ever mean anything if I were not
Obedient
Puppetted, strung on the demands of demands of generations loudest voices.
But I am the weak, the failing, that can
lift from such a filthy hole some living limb & climb
away, out of reach, a strength invisible,
unthinkable
to challenge toxic might and poisoned care.
Of all possible heroes I am smallest
And yet, I crawl still further
Brighter, singing the names of them as I go
/ / on surviving abuse as an autist
